ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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