Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
