He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
