Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
