I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
