I can tuck mytits in my pants
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
