Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
