You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
