So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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