I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
