U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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