Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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