I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
