I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
