ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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