The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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