i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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