Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
