I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
