im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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