You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
