ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
