i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just forgot I was standing up.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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