I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
