Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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