I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
