I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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