K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dicks are not precious.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
