you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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