Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
