Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
