You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
