He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
