So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize