You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
