Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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