I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
