Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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