So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
