ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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