Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
