I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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