My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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