I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
