He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
