Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
