The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
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Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
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Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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