at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
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I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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