Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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