you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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