Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
