sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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