Four minutes until I can fart!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
