made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
