belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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