Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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