i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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