I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
