just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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