so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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