Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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