dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I need help removing her.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
