Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
