So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
