what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
