Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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