She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
