I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
