Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
porn star boner night. come get it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
