I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
