I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
