I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
