Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
