have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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