it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
