You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
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He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
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Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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